We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
