he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
