i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She's the barista slut.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize
