My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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