Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
"it" just moved
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
