singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
