we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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