I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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