I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
