Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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