took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
