Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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