Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
