if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
