Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
