If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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