Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just found a bag of teeth...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
