i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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