I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
