I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
