You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
