Jerry, you need to find god
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
