Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
