so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
