i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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