he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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