He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
