she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
