He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
