i just wanna soil my oats bro
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
