remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I've blown a few things in my day
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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