i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
