HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
