you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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