I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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