so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I want her autograph on my taint
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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