i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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