hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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