There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
