And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
