I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
