ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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