Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
