I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
