It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
