A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
