the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
