youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
