Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
