they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
