apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
